Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
