I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
