I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.