Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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