she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
