I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
