Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
