Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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