She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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