Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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