Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
