Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
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he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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