i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
