I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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