i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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