just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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