my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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