i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize