Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
