how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
