A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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