Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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