The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
