Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
