He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
