Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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