Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
