He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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