i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
