Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
