she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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