I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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