Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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