took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
