you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
