..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
