Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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