That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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