my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
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Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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