I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
