im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Congratulations! We have a period
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
