You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize