STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
