If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
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why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
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Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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