sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
