He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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