he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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