Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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