Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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