just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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