We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
