We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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