Moan for me like Helen Keller
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize