just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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