pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
