Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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