Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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