i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
